Beware of the Illinois Ball Cutter

HuffPo - When biologists say the pacu fish eats nuts, they may be correct in more ways than one. The pacu, a toothy fish that can weigh up to 55 pounds, has been spotted in Lake Lou Yaeger in Illinois, KSDK reports. Responding to a report that a fisherman had reeled in a piranha on June 7, lake superintendent Jim Caldwell brought the fish to the Illinois Department of Natural Resources, where it was identified as a pacu. Some reports say another pacu was seen a couple of weeks later. Caldwell said he is still swimming in the lake nearly every day. Pacus primarily eat nuts, aquatic vegetation and snails, he told KDSK, and pose no real threat to humans. Residents of Papua New Guinea may beg to differ. There, according to British fisherman Jeremy Wade, the pacu is known as the “ball cutter.” In 2011, Wade said locals informed him that two fisherman had died from blood loss after something in the water had bitten off their testicles, according to the Metro.

 

All of my fears of swimming in lakes and rivers are now confirmed.  The testicle eating Pacu fish, otherwise known as “the ball cutter” has moved into midwestern fresh water lakes.  Before ever learning of a fish that would potentially bite and devour human body parts, I always feared the dark waters and the creatures that lurk within.  Look, we don’t have these things in Wisconsin, we are too good for that.  No wonder all these Bears and Cubs fans flock to the great up north of Wisconsin.  There are records of these ball suckers being captured or hanging off of severed members throughout Illinois, Ohio, and Indiana, none in the Badger state.  But still, CCWriter has always feared the uninvited ball mauler that you never know could be preying in unclear waters.   Really, the thought of cock and ball mutillation in dirty water and bleeding out as you frantically swim ashore, possibly just drowning prior to reaching land, is a nothing short of a nightmare.  Don’t ever challenge CCWriter in a cross the lake swimming race, it will not end well since I have always swam like a short and chubby version of Phelps or Louganis.  No wait, that Louganis guy was a diver, and I never tried to do much of anything like him…forget I mentioned Louganis.

LB Losers just typically prefer the challenge of an out of water ball mauler, similar or anything close to the one below, we’ll take our chances every time. –CCWriter

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