FINALLY- BACK TO BUSINESS
After a beat down by the Giants at Lambeau, then a friggin cold as hell winter, then no rain like an Egyptian desert, the Bucks going to the land of no return, and the Brewers puking all over themselves FINALLY
GREEN BAY PACKER CAMP OPENS TODAY.
A.D.D. SIDEBAR: If Charlie Peprah doesn’t go totally pinball on Hakeem Nicks does he still have a job? And/or he breaks up the hail mary? OMG, I still want to take a fork to my eyes Scorpions style every time I think of this play.
Ok, see how bad it’s been?
Anyways, shit is coming back today. Boys are back in town.
Me and Stevegoat have pseudo press passes for practice next week, so stay tuned for never before losers coverage of our Packers WITH TOTAL ACCESS!
Gosh, imagine all the slutty ladies in the Fox valley area just waiting for the Packers to come back. Must be a long off season for the groupies. Going all Kimberly Clark on some guys waiting for the men of titletown to return.
This could truly be the “year of A-Rodge”. He somehow avoided the Madden curse (thank you Calvin Johnson), was voted the #1 player by his peers, perhaps plays on the best offense in all the land, and has a great reputation as being a good shit. PRIME TIME.
What the hell, go buy a RODGERS FOR PRESIDENT shirt at our store. You could do worse.
In related news, ok it’s a stretch but follow it… went to the local county fair last night. Back in the day I was the king of pop a shot. I loved to negotiate extra shots. Loved to feel it hit nothing but net, and loved carrying around the 4′ Noid doll the rest of the day. (And I didn’t get laid in high school much? It was them, not me, that’s for sure!)
My son has just turned 8, and we get to the carnival world after a stroll thru the small animal barn (the chickens were actually cooking, it’s smelled like a grill in there). I don’t know who is more excited, me, my three kids 8 and under, or the carnies seeing easy money coming in hot! (Flip side, I thought my wife was going to pass out from being grossed out/bored/etc.)
Oh, how I love thee, carnival row! I am expecting the same games that have been around for 30 or sometimes 100 plus years (3 cans and a ball, knock em off the seat… that goes back to cavemen carnies for sure.)
And BOOM, the carnies did it again, I mean they are friggin “Steve Jobsin” me with their ideas. Mad geniuses. Instead of Noids they now give away illegal Chinese made football jerseys that look like $200 prizes but actually cost the carnies $15 and it’s a rigged football game to boot! Football, the most popular American game by a landslide and the carnies found their angle. Even Roger Goodell can’t stop the carnies!
Here’s the deal: Just throw two footballs into a tire out of 4 throws from 20 feet. Easy easy. Oh… two things, the football is inflated to the point that it is impossible to throw and the tire is more from a four wheeler than a car. Yeah, BUT besides that, it’s easy. I LOVE CARNIES.
So my 8 year old son wants both of us to play. Why wouldn’t he? GAME ON BITCHES. I walk up and negotiate an extra ball for each of us and the show is on. Yes I did. My son cranks up (little kids use a regular size football that he takes from behind the curtain like the wizard of OZ) and he misses the first (no shocker there) but then magic starts to happen. He “swooshes” the next ball. Boom, carnie takes that ball away and my son is now cranking the overloaded steroid ball looking to make the impossible 2nd shot. 4th ball BOOM, nothing but net, ahem, right thru the tire. Pops, doesn’t even get one in (just to let my son have the glory for sure.)
Carnie is genuinely shocked. He says that he is the youngest kid that has EVER gotten a jersey as long as he has worked there. (I sarcastically think, so this is your first week?) Then the carnie realizes smartly that this is marketing 101. Use evidence in your sales pitch. Starts screaming, I mean screaming, “THIS KID JUST WON. Who’s next???… step up. This kid is 8 years old and he did it easily.” Over and over. The whole night slows down. It’s amazing.
Kids everywhere start running around like the Mayans are right and shit. Booth loads up with macho dads and stupid kids. Carnie is overjoyed.
My son, who is a lot like his dad, sees the world in front of him right that second. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE JERSEY. 50 jerseys to choose from. I won’t let him get some brutal jersey, big decision. Packer jersey = too easy. Yep, I saw that coming. Now what? No way in hell I let him go Romo or Hester or something stupid. This is a life changing moment. He (we) decide to go with classic Tebow Florida jersey. Well played kid. Tebow can’t ever be traded away from his college team. It’s old school AND new school. A bit rare and hell Tebow is an angel. So that’s good too.
Was this the most proud I ever was of my son? It’s pretty darn close.
Anyways, where the hell was I. Oh yeah, camp opens. We don’t have a free safety and Jim Leonhard is a free agent. Ted you listening? Ted don’t laugh so hard at me when I bring this up? Ted? My son just won the pop a football and you are laughing? TED!!!!????!!!